When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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