I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Pooping to opera.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
