12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
