when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
