I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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