They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
