chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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