The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
