call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Randomize
