He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
