i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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