Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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