forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
