i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
My breasts were aching with rage.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
