sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
