on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
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Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
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Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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