i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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