I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
