how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
