We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You are a genius and a whore.
Randomize
