she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
