Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
