you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
only you would photoshop your dick
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
