I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
