Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
is this the sara with the beer cane?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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