I accidentally burped into my bong.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sarcasm needs its own font
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize