marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
