if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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