mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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