i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
My ATM looks so different sober.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
