First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
This is the high leading the old right now
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
