she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
why do cheetos always look like penises
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
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