If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
