it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Someone came in the potted fern
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
