awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
