in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
