Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
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