its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
