He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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