remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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