dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
