i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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