I am puke
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
