it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
