The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
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