He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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