I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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