YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
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