If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
