Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
