GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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