What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
please come you make the beer taste better
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
