you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
