My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
