how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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