If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
