Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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