i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
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