i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
