ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
