When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
