We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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