yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
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standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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