There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize