very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
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