no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
