Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
