She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
