just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
