It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
