did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Couch. On fire.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
