Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
