is your mom at the bar?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
