so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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