I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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