Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
