i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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