JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
