Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
