Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
