Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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