$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
