OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
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