I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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