shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
