Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Randomize
