Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
