Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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